Homewreckers, Hoes, and Housewives

A few girlfriends and I were chatting the other day, and the topic of the "homewrecker," came up.  I've always found that term to be somewhat misleading, as it implies that a woman is carrying a wrecking ball in her purse as she peruses quaint little houses to destroy at whim.  My point was that the "homewrecker" title is a blatant attempt to clear a man from his responsibilities to his wife or significant other and that often society's anger is misplaced.  My friends disagreed.  They felt that a woman has an obligation to NOT step in between a man and his wife/significant other.  While in principle this may be true, doesn't the man carry the onus of accepting responsibility for the consequences of an affair?  Why does the philandering husband often get a free pass?

Just look at the recent coverage of the relationship between Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz.  She's been labeled a "homewrecker," while mention of Swizz's involvement has been minimal.  Now, I'm not saying she's blameless, but what I'm saying is that the person who actually MADE the commitment is MORE responsible.  After all, she is single.  She can date anyone she wants (within limits).  However, he was not.  So, why all the anger towards her or any other woman in a similar situation?  Alicia could easily have been any other woman on the planet.  In fact, I have read a few articles that have referred to other children he has fathered with other women while still married.  He should vilified for his actions as an irresponsible partner who has (in today's dangerous and STD infested world) had unprotected sex with people other than his wife.

My friends were still inclined to respectfully disagree, and the topic meandered to hoes and how housewives have to always be on the lookout for them.  I laughed.  I mean really.  A wife has to spend her time worrying about hoes?  Seriously?  So in-between taking care of the hearth, a woman has to act like a Magnum P.I. too?  Damn.  "Well," one of my girlfriends explained, "It can happen to anyone if a woman isn't on top of her game.  I mean, if a woman won't do certain things, another woman will."

While I agree, that partners should be willing to please each other, I don't see how this translates into: "Man needs constant ego-stroking and sex" regardless of the circumstances, either.  Some of my friends posited that maybe Mashonda wasn't doing it up in the bedroom.  Maybe women have to be more proactive.  I couldn't contain my laughter at this point.  Okay, I say, so if a woman isn't satisfying her man, then that gives him some license to cheat?  What about communication?  What about working on making the relationship better?   

And what about the woman who tries to give it her all and she is still confronted with a husband that will stray?  The bottom line is, it takes two people to make a successful relationship.  They both have to be willing to work at it, and communication is key.  Once all this has failed, then both people should dissolve their relationship and then pursue someone else.  I understand that this may only happen in an ideal world, but hey, people should be able to at least try to make it work and exhaust all possibilities.  And in the event of an affair, then the person who made the commitment is entitled to most of the anger involved.  Simple as that.