No, I don't want to talk to you and other Urban rants.....

I was on the train the other day, minding my own damn business when some guy tries to talk to me.  I politely refused his conversation as 1. I was not interested  2.  I am in a committed relationship 3. His breath was rank.  All of these reasons combined should have created a nice molotov cocktail of: get-thee-out-of-my-face.  But nooooo...... He turns to me and says "But I don't see a ring on your finger."

Okay, what's up with that?  I've heard that more than once while out.  As if me not having a ring on my finger gives men the right to harass me.  So, I have to be chained to some unseen male force in order to get some creepy guy to leave me alone?  How is that right?  What if I just don't want to deal with a guy? Isn't that enough reason for a man, especially a stranger to leave me alone?  In this day and age why would any man think harassing a woman traveling alone is somehow sexy or inviting?  This has been an issue that's bothered me for sometime.  The sexist assumptions that have to be made in order for a male to turn over common decency and deny my personhood is astounding.  The statement that "I don't see a ring on your finger," implies that:

1.  In spite of my personality, background, individual idiosyncrasies and preferences I want to talk to you.

2.  In spite of my protestations, if I am unmarried I am fair game.

3. Any man has the right to impede upon my personal space if he sees fit.

4. I am a heterosexual woman who would ENJOY being pursued by a man, in spite of the possibilities that I may be gay or uninterested in romantic liaisons.

As a Black woman, I have so many worries and fears.  And the last thing I'd want is some guy I don't know to attach himself to me while I'm trying to get to my destination.  I should not have to worry about harassment while going to work.  I should not have to push off men who invade my personal space or touch me inappropriately on my way to school.  I have the right to say no, or better yet, to be left alone in the first place.  And I shouldn't have to explain to anyone why I'm uninterested.

For all the men out there who think this is cute:  I shouldn't have to tell you my status or anything else.  And no, I don't want your number.  No, I don't want to tell you where I'm going. And no, I don't want to talk to you.

Then I get the "But I just want to tell you how pretty you are."  Or, I get "Smile!"  What if I don't want to smile?   Or is it okay that I don't want you to elucidate all the reasons why you think I look so fetching?  These statements assume a lot of sexist, arrogant things.  One:  That I need you to validate me.  Though like most women a compliment or two is cool, but damn.  I don't want a whole conversation about it.  Especially if you're trying to get me to talk to you.  Cuz. I. don't. want. to talk to you.  Two: That my possible mood is your business.  I am a happy person.  Usually.  Most times I am not unhappy, but am simply absorbed in my own thoughts.  So telling me to smile so that I can brighten up your day isn't one of them.

It's okay to see a beautiful woman and think "I would like to talk to her."  But most people should look not at verbal cues but non-verbal ones as well.  If a woman is saying "Back off."  Do it.  Because just because you exist, doesn't mean I have to cater to you.